I slept on the bathroom floor. I woke, my body swollen from dehydration. There was dried blood on the roof of my mouth were I had eatin so much so quickly I started to bleed. My eyes were blood shot and my joints hurt. I looked in the mirror and immediatley turned away. I can't stand the sight of myself anymore.
My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. He talks to me only because he feels obligated. He's tired of my constant moods of dispair and self loating; of anger and sadness. He wants out I know it. It hurts so deeply.
My family laughs at my failures, rejoices in my faults.
I hear death now. He whispers over my shoulder, his breath on the nape of my neck as he tells me sweet innocent ways to get rid of my pain.
I am so very exhausted.
I feel my wrists over and over now, remembering back to when it was so easy to self destruct, back when angst consumed me and the world seemed to revolve around me.
It's no longer like that. What I do effects to many others.
The clock ticks faster, and my heart beat quickens as the panic attacks draw closer and closer together.
I am terrified of failure.
I eat only so I can feel the pain of purging.
I take another drink from the bottle.
I want to waste away......