Saturday, May 14, 2011

Taste of Tile.

I slept on the bathroom floor. I woke, my body swollen from dehydration. There was dried blood on the roof of my mouth were I had eatin so much so quickly I started to bleed. My eyes were blood shot and my joints hurt. I looked in the mirror and immediatley turned away. I can't stand the sight of myself anymore.

My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. He talks to me only because he feels obligated. He's tired of my constant moods of dispair and self loating; of anger and sadness. He wants out I know it. It hurts so deeply.

My family laughs at my failures, rejoices in my faults.

I hear death now. He whispers over my shoulder, his breath on the nape of my neck as he tells me sweet innocent ways to get rid of my pain.

I am so very exhausted.

I feel my wrists over and over now, remembering back to when it was so easy to self destruct, back when angst consumed me and the world seemed to revolve around me.

It's no longer like that. What I do effects to many others.

The clock ticks faster, and my heart beat quickens as the panic attacks draw closer and closer together.

I am terrified of failure.

I eat only so I can feel the pain of purging.

I take another drink from the bottle. 

I want to waste away......

3 comments:

americaneaglelove said...

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time lately. I hope that you take care and don't harm yourself. Your boyfriend does care about you, because he can see what you can't--that you're a very lovable, special person. This whole community, and me, are always here for you, you'll never have to fight alone.

Skinny_legs said...

wow i understand so completely how you feel right now. I hope so much that you are ok, thank you for being so honest about your hardship with us, we are here for you.

Ana's Addict said...

This post really makes me sad.
It makes me sad because I can relate.
But I can promise you that you will NEVER have to fight alone.
We will always be here for you.
Hang in there and stay strong; we love you. <3