My Past-My Future Goals

I was a pig. I use to chase food with more food, guzzling down horrible pound loading fatty foods without remorse. My Junior year of high school was the worst. I gained twenty pounds that year to reach my death weight of 180. Looking back, I remember that I thought I looked cute and that the weight really wasn't as bad as it seemed, but now I look at prom pictures and want to kill myself. I was a tub of lard in a dress much to small for her trying to look cute for the boys who were probably disgusted by her. I refuse to ever be that weight again. I refuse to ever be even remotely close to that weight.

I often think back to how I ate. A whole bagel (both halves) with large glops of peanut butter and honey for breakfast. A sandwich and chips for lunch, plus all of the leftovers of everyone's warm lunches. One to two cookies after. Afternoon snack consisted of chicken nuggets or two large mugs of cereal with milk.  Then, if I didn't pick on chips, cookies, cheese its, or leftovers, I would move into dinner guns blazing. I would eat whole burgers, large plates of pasta, two servings of chicken breast or steak, mashed potatoes by the pound. Then I would always eat some form of desert. Whole pieces of cake, two to three cookies, whole bowls of ice cream. I was a slob and a mess and I had no control whatsoever.

I have since changed. Somewhere around Christmas everything took a 180 turn. The man I had spent 2 years with, the man I gave up college and career for because he said he was going to marry me, broke up with me out of the blue. Everything changed. I changed. I was tired of the life I was living. I had clung to people. I didn't want to try. I didn't want to face anything challenging. I wanted to eat, and sit on my fat lazy ass. But after him, I turned around and looked at myself. I told myself "No more easy road." I began eating only whole, no processed, organic foods. Replaced sweets with vegetables. I dedicated myself. I worked out every single day for an hour. My portions shrunk and so did I. I lost 35 pounds. None of my old clothes fit and I love it!

Recently, however, I have become complacent. I have gone off track. A couple weeks ago I looked in the mirror while watching Black Swan and decided I wanted more than what I had been expecting of my body. I wanted Ana. I wanted tiny, fulfilling, empty bellied Ana, and I would do anything to get Perfection. So here I am, working to get what I want.

145 [x]
140 [x] by May 1st
138 [ ]
135 [ ]
130 [ ] by June 1st
128 [ ]
125 [ ]
123 [ ]
120 [ ] by July 1st
118 [?]
115 [?]
110 [?]

August 1st Goal Measurements 
Left Arm: 8"            Right Arm: 9"
Bust: 30"
Waist: 22-23"
Navel: 26-27"
Butt: 35-36"
Hips: 34"
Left Leg: 20"           Right Leg: 21"

Jean Size- 3/4