[Day 4] Back on Board

So, there are a few things I wanna talk about in this post. I've been thinking about a lot of things today and just want to clear my head. I'll try to keep it short, but hang in there.

I remember several years ago my mother (who is overweight and complains about it all the time but refuses to do anything about it) told me that I should learn to accept that being a little bit on the heavy side is in my genes and I will never be smaller than the size I am. The thought occurred to me today. Why? Why should I accept something like that? Because she did? Because she refuses to change her life and her ways? I know I can be thin. Food is an addiction, a cover up, a hopeless hole from which I can choose to throw my problems into. I don't need it. I deserve to be small and the feather weight I have always wanted. So I've removed her voice from my head, and started to move toward a perfect body.

Today was a decent day. I put the binge in the past and decided to move on. Last night after the binge I swallowed six laxatives and six cilium fiber pills to get things moving. Needless to say I didn't sleep very well during the night but at least I woke up feeling like I had flushed my system somewhat. I try to stay away from purging and laxatives, but I felt like I needed it. It may have only helped my mental state, but at least it helped. During lunch today, instead of eating the other half of my food, I took a ten minute walk :) It was a lovely day and the sun reminded me of where I was headed and how much I still needed to lose so I took a good step.

Driving home, something kinda funny happened. I was headed down the highway and their is a turning lane that cuts across my lane of traffic to turn into a Chili's restaurant. [if that makes sense] Anyway, I was up to speed when a large red van pulls out in front of me almost causing a wreck. I flipped him the bird and shouted a bit before looking in to realize it was an entire little obese family. I thought to myself "Chill the fuck out. Chili's isn't going anyway. You can wait two seconds for me to pass, then go stuff your faces." As evil as this may sound when I got home I was hungry and instead of eating I drank some tea and went about doing my list of things to do. Empowerment.

Today's intake was an ok intake and the workout was decent although I could have done more, the lack of sleep got to me. Took my active multivitamin but nothing else.

Breakfast
1/2 cup fruit- 40cals
Oatmeal- 150cals
Soymilk- 70cals
Coffee with splenda ONLY!

Lunch
10 pita chips- 130cals
1/2 cup edamame- 75cals

Jasmine Green Tea- 0cals
Coke Zero- 0cals

Dinner
Whole wheat toast with sprinkled splenda and cinnimon- 50cals
1/2 cup unsweetend apple sauce- 30cals
1/2 cup vegetables- 35cals


Total- 575 [back on track]

10 Minute walk
20 Minutes Ballet
10 Minutes Zumba [so fun. girls in the dance room were doing it so I joined for a bit. recommend it to everyone!]
30 Minutes Yoga

Some of my new favorites thinspo:

I want my booty to look like that!