Weakness Consumes Me

Weakness consumes me.
It rears it's evil head
It laughs and lingers

Inspiration, please Stay
Perfection, please Speak
Pull me and want me

I feel I've wasted
Who I am
What I want

Where did the glimmer go?


I binged. After all I said about food meaning nothing, I ate cake. I ate pie. I ate a bowl of ice cream. I ate fries. I poured this quick fixing sugar pill down my throat in spoon fulls and felt emptier than when I am actually empty. I feel weak. My limitations are spread like oil in water. I can see straight through all of these so called rules and take advantage of the space between them.

I try to be positive, but it's hard today. Yesterday was horrible. The scale said 142 this morning. Bloated. Gross. I hate this feeling. I need more boundaries and structure. I need to make a promise.

A promise to all of you.

May 1st is Sunday. I have to lose 2 pounds to meet my goal. My promise to all of you is this...

+5 days a week of hard exercise. A minimum of 400 calories burned.
+Until Sunday May 1st, under 500 calories intake and 600 calories burned.
+ For the next 21 days, no sugar and no starches. I a-lot myself 2 pieces of whole-grain toast but that is all. If I am going to eat animal products again, then I need to restrict elsewhere. I can have meat, vegetables and fruit. That's all. I will count down the days to make sure all of you see I am keeping my word.

I need the accountability. I'm falling slowly, and I need to promise, not only myself, but all of you strong Anas that I can and will fix the faults in my character. I need to show everyone that I am strong enough. If you see me falling off, tell me. I will get back up and show my strength of will.

I will post my intake for the day later, along with my workout.
I promise you, I will have control.