Intake-
1 cup of fruit-80
1/2 cup soy-milk- 35
Apple- 80
1/2 chicken grilled chicken breast- 75
1 sweet potato- 105
1/4 cup broccoli- 25
Total= 400
35 minutes bike- 260
40 minute aerobic dvd- 320
10 minute walk- 55
Total Burned= 615
Last night, I found out my boyfriend watches porn on a regular basis. I have no idea what to do. I feel lost and insecure. I feel unloved and ugly. Heaven only knows what he thinks of when he's in bed with me, or what lies he's told me about how beautiful he thinks I am. I feel betrayed. I don't feel safe around him. I understand that porn happens. I don't know a single person who hasn't seen something at least once. It's almost a write of passage for wayward adolescent teens. But my boyfriend is 20 years old. He didn't lie to me when I asked, which I give him credit for, but still, I can't think about this without my skin crawling. I feel like I don't know him anymore. I feel like I don't know which way is up or down, or what was fact and what was fiction. Where did he lie? Does he have sex with me because he loves me? Or is it because he simply can? Does he even love me? What else is he keeping from me? What do I do? Where do I go? I have no idea. This is all to much. I feel so lost right now and out of control.
What would you do?
I have been wanting to press my lips to the rim of a milkshake class and guzzle down something or anything to help me feel fulfilled, but I know that in the end all I'll want to do is throw it up, and I will be left empty again. Instead I'm letting this empty stomach fill me. I have maintained my rules, because if I can't have control over anything else...I can control this.
intake
fruit and soymilk- 115
creamer- 65
1/2 apple- 40
2 slice of pb toast- 290
Total= 510
45 min bike- 390
1 hour yoga- 180
Total Burned= 570
Thirty calories short on my burning. Will walk for 10 after I nap away this pain. Home for the summer which I'm not at all excited about but I will continue to lose. I'm sorry girls that this is so negative. Tomorrow will hopefully be easier.
20 more days.
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| Why isn't it enough? |
2 comments:
I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you. :(
I am sure that your boyfriend loves you just as much as he always has.
I am also sure that he thinks you are beautiful.
I know it is hard to go through something like this.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Hang in there, love, and stay strong. <3
whatever you do don't binge, don't punish yourself because of this. you had an amazing day. don't let that go.
The porn thing has to be dealt with in every relationship at some point, and honestly a 20 yr old boy isn't that different from a 16 year old, he thinks you are beautiful and i'm sure he loves you, guys just watch porn,
If i can make a suggestion? I was pretty proactive about it and while I don't particularly enjoy porn I offered to watch it with my bf and he was so wild about it, the few times we did he literally paid no attention to the tv, he just wanted me. I like that he masturbates because it means that he can go longer with me and he isn't cheating, also Men love a sexually liberated woman. I bet he'd love it if you posed the idea of using it as a sort of sexy movie for back round noise.
good luck in dealing with all this!
xo
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